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Accepting Life on Life’s Terms
When faced with the knowledge of a Down syndrome pregnancy, over 90% of women choose to terminate. At the same time, there are adoption organizations with waiting lists of families who specifically seek to adopt children with Down syndrome. One such organization is reecesrainbow.org. For every unwanted child with Down syndrome, there is a family with a deep desire to celebrate and embrace him or her.
It is understandable to be shocked and fearful when learning that your baby has Down syndrome. Some women find out during their pregnancy, others find out after giving birth. In every situation, the initial news may create the feelings of loss, grief, and fear. There are several explanations for this reaction.
First, this is not what we were planning for. We had visions of sending our children to Harvard or being drafted to play in the NFL. We hoped for a “healthy” child. We had expectations of a smaller version of ourselves to be raised in our own image, or to make up for our own failures. We prayed that our child would grow up to be somebody “special” or “important.” Our truth: People with Down syndrome are more advanced than the general population in many ways. They have intuition and an innate sensibility that most people will never achieve or, sadly, will never seek.
->> Secondly, we had misconceptions about the effects of Down syndrome on day-to-day life. We thought that people with Down syndrome were a burden. We thought they had a short life expectancy and brought shame to the family. We thought they were unable to live independently. We thought that they would take such an extreme amount of care that it would be impossible for us to bare. Our truth: Being a parent of a child with Down syndrome does not mean that we take on crushing amounts of stressful responsibility. In fact, if you ask around, many parents would say that life is easier in many ways. Raising a child with Down syndrome isn’t harder, its just different.
Lastly, we feared the Down syndrome diagnosis was a prison sentence and we were wrongly convicted. Not only were we going to have additional health and behavioral issues to deal with, we would also be limited with what we could achieve as a family. We felt sorry for ourselves. We felt stuck with the short end of the stick, unable to move forward, unable to picture a bright future. Our truth: We could not have been more wrong and misinformed. We have the same freedoms as other families. Our children are happy and healthy. They can accomplish much more than we had ever imagined. They have not held us back, but instead, they have set us free. When we realized that we had to accept life on life’s terms, we became enlightened and fulfilled.
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